I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
