is your mom at the bar?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
