I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
