please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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