he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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