is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
