and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
