So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
