When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
