How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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