Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just threw up on my dentist
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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