I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
