ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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