Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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