what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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