He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
