I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
