Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
