this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
