i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
