YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
