i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
