Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yo dont text me then not text me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
