The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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