apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
