Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
