The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
