I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
