it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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