WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
