Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
false alarm. still invincible.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
