your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
