we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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