I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
