Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
