Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
