good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
