I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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