I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it hurts more in the daytime
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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