i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
