My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
