call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
