names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
