shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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