I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
