I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You smell like stripper and shame
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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