I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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