12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
