I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
