worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
