Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
