I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
