i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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