I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
